I do not know how to describe it. I have this constant feeling that I am missing something. I go through the day always watching out for something to happen. And yet, at the back of my mind, I have this apprehension that it has already passed me by.
I ask God to stay close with me. I pray that in the midst of this nagging emptiness and search for an illusive spiritual experience, my Lord and my God will be by my side. I do not know what else to say, and to whom should I go, but to our Almighty God who I know will take me in His arms.
These past few days, I have had this hunger for a deeper encounter with our God. I am not sure how to describe this venture or the depth of this experience. As one Christian mystic says, “The soul does not know how to speak of visions. [They] are so sublime that it’s not fitting for those who live on this earth to have the further understanding necessary to explain them.” (Teresa Avila: Selections from The Interior Castle. 2004:96) It is hard to describe this hungering posture. I won’t call it a vision per se, but more like a desire for a more personal visit from our Almighty God.
Paul speaks of Christians groaning inwardly as we wait for the adoption and redemption of our bodies. We have “the firstfruits of the Holy Spirit” and God’s Spirit helps us “with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:22-26). Jesus prayed earnestly and “his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (Luke 22:44). I do not pretend to be in the same league as Paul, or even Jesus. But their desire for a more intimate encounter with God resonates with my own.
So, today, I go through my day like any other day. I talk to the cashier at the grocery store. And while she is talking to me, I listen to God. I ask myself: What is God doing in her life? How can I stay close to God while He is moving among the people of this world? I go outside and walk the busy city streets of Kaohsiung on my way to work. At the nearby park, I see a grandfather and a young child holding hands enjoying the morning. I ask myself: What is God’s feeling for these two family members when he sees them strolling this Kaohsiung city park? How can I align my feelings to that of God? I know my Almighty God will take me in his loving arms and stand by my side. I wait for him to come.